nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
