My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Drake has all the answers
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
