he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
