Whoa Z and x make the same sound
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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