Define "chronic" masturbator.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
