That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
