i just google imaged poop.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
