So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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