i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
