i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
