I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
