I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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