also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
