I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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