I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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