just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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