Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
