some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
