I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
