are you still at the devil's house?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
