Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
