someone get that fucking seahorse.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize