I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
