Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
