How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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