Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
