if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
