The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
