The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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