Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
