...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
