My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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