Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
