I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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