just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
