And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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