smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
