someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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