Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
