Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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