p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
