fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My vagina is officially offended.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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