but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
