Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
