i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
