No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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