I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
