Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
