failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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