Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
