yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Help. Why am I so naked?
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