hell yes lets make some ravioli
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
