may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
