I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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