If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
