You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
