he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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