My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
