: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
