Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
either way he was missing a nipple.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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