I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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