Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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