dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
