i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
