so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
