You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i've created a new STD.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
