the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
