i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Randomize
