ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
