He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
