Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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