Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
