its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
