It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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