wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
