Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
