We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
