You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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