I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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