my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
