Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
