oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
