I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
