I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
