best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
