Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
