I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
