i think i have herpe
just one?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
