i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize