This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I wanna passion pit in your ass
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
