I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
