This girl is more easily done than said...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
