If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
