People with herpes should wear stickers.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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