New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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