then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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